January 24, 2013
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FREE PAPER GUNS!
After reading in Yahoo! News that a fifth-grader was reprimanded for bringing a paper ‘gun’ to school, I decided to open a new line of business for myself – that of paper arms merchant.
As the local crack dealer will tell you, the ones below are FREE – after these, you’ll have to shell out some hard cash.
For future purchases, I’m willing to settle for Federal Reserve Notes, but would prefer hard specie – gold, silver or platinum.
To obtain your very own paper weaponry, all you have to do is print this page, then cut along the dotted lines. It really is that simple.
First up, I have the Paper Pistol Model 1. It’s 8″ x 5″ – easily used in one hand.
Next there’s the Paper Assault Weapon Model 2. It’s a bit longer, so you might have to use the magazine as a foregrip. But that shouldn’t be a problem.
Below is the compact version of the Model 2. To get the full-sized version, simply click on the image (it should come up in a separate tab), and then print it out.
Either model can be folded or rolled up and still function perfectly – either one can easily be concealed in a pocket, in a book, even in your wallet!
And remember that since both of them are 100 percent PAPER, they will easily get through any sort of metal detector. Also, since they don’t use anything like gunpowder, there’s no worry about nitrate traces!
H/T to Tashie for the heads-up!
Copyright © 2013 Mike Blessing. All rights reserved.
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Comments (4)
Are they fully automatic with exploding paper rounds?
Don’t forget the paper tanks & paper nuclear missile launchers. Can I still order paper plutonium from Amazon?
@saturnnights – The select-fire versions are in the works.
I liked your comment about the cardboard tube from the paper-towel roll being a “bazooka.”
The tank will be a used washing-machine box, along with an infantry fighting vehicle (IFV) made from a refrigerator box. The problem with those is getting to them first before the bums (“Wino-Americans”) do.
The ballistic missile isn’t on the drawing board just yet, as there are problems with paper-based systems using large amounts of combustibles. That gets even worse with liquid-fueled rockets, as liquid oxygen complicates things immensely. Same goes for the paper naval vessels – they would tend to fall apart shortly after being put into the water, which kind of defeats the purpose of having a navy in the first place.
@mikewb1971 -
Maybe a 3D printer would help? lol